Sad news...

I had some sad news yesterday. One of my cats was killed by my dogs.

I have so many feelings going through my mind.

I am upset and angry. I am enraged at my dogs for what they did. I do not feel like giving them a second chance. How do you get the point across to your dogs on what they have done? How can you give them the love and attention after what they did? I don't feel like petting them or even looking at them. At this point they are beasts. I want to lock them up and throw away the keys.

I can't begin to imagine what Lynx had to endure during the fight. It must have been bad. It's not the way you would ever want a pet to go. I am truly sadened that she died scared. All of the protection we had offered her over the years, ends up for nothing. At the hands of the ones she trusted. That's what hurts the most. We still have 2 cats that are fine (thankfully). I am also sad because they had to hear the commotion. They were probably scared for her too.

I feel horible that my wife had to take care of everything without me. We usally put the dogs outside in the kennel if we are leaving the house. She didn't yesterday. I can feel her pain. She totally blames herself for what has happened. This is an unfortunate accident and could have happened even if we were home. I've tried to ease her mind but she is still dwelling on it.

I will miss Lynx. I will miss her tapping on the door when I was in the bathroom and always having to be in there with me. I will miss hearing my wife telling her to "shut up" every morning when we got up (she was very vocal). I will miss her eating the dog food. I will miss her furry cheeks and her fat belly. I will miss her "I didn't do it" attitude. I will miss her running into the upstairs bathroom to tell me her food dish was empty. I will miss the battle between her and Mocha for the spot on the bed right next to me when I went to sleep.

Coco (one of the other cats) will miss her too. They did everything together. If one was close the other was right behind. Peas and carrots come to mind. When I was home last night she was crying out for Lynx. Coco is very quiet and rarely talks. She also slept on the bed last night which is very unusual for her. No batteling for space though. There seemed to be plenty of room for them.

So at this point what are the choices?
How do you forget about how Lynx died?
Can you forgive the dogs?
How do you maintain a safe environment for everyone in the future?

I know time will help us heal, but at the moment I can't see it.

A NEW HOPE

This is where I started to unwind after 16+ years at In-N-Out Burger, Mammoth Mountain, Ca.(Rt. Pic) I left In-N-Out for more reasons than I could write down, but mostly because I had been overlooked for a promotion to store manager for the past 4 years and had no real concrete answer for why. I was told time and time again that I was "right there" and "keep up the good work it'll happen". The waiting had used up all of my patience and I was no longer excited as I once was. So I quit. I really had no idea what I wanted to do.

I took some time for myself. I went on a 12 day road trip to "get away". It was also described as my mid-life crisis (already? wow that came fast). My plan was to head up north to see my Brother in Washington and stop along the way as I pleased. I started in Mammoth for a day of snowboarding. As much as I wanted to throw caution to the wind and just drive til I felt like stopping, I called ahead to Bend, Oregon to stay for the night. It was a long drive but I had never felt so rested in all of my life and the scenery in that part of California and Oregon is spectacular. I stayed an extra day in Bend so I could get another day of boarding in at Mt. Bachelor(Top Pic).

I drove up to Washington and stayed at my brothers for a week and loved every minute I was there. We went on day trips to Mt. St. Helens, The Columbia River gorge and Bonneville dam. He taught me to play cribbage, zinc the roof and scare the deer off his property(the last was by far the most fun because ammo was involved). We even went to the golf show in downtown Portland. While I was visiting Rob and Toni, they were very supportive of my decision to leave INO and did a great job of distracting me from work. They did this to help me see the road beyond INO. To realize that there are opportunities everywhere and its OK not to know what path to go down next, but keep your eyes open so you can see the next turn and continue moving forward. I owe them. I owe them Big. It was tough to leave my brothers and I would have loved to stay longer, but I had a long drive ahead of me and I wanted to be home before Valentines day.

I was planning on stopping around the Sacramento area but when I arrived it was only 7:30ish and I was wide awake. I figured I'd drive til I was tired and stop off along the freeway. Tired never came and I made it home around 1 in the morning. 16+ hours of driving to finish off what 16+ years had started.

It was great to see Beth. I had missed her more than I can explain. Home felt new again. A brand new start was awaiting me. I just had to find the path.

Rob and I had reached a time in our lives where it wasn't about everything else in the world. It was about us. Helping each other to become stronger and more wise or quoting old movies and just being kids again. I am lucky to have had this time to "find myself" and to be supported by my loving wife(thanks sugar momma), my Dad, Nancy,Rob,Toni and Matt. Thanks to all of you and to everyone else that has been there for me.

The close of the In-N-Out chapter only begins the next. Who knows the path and who will follow?